The Minister of Tourism and Sports, having failed with the Discover Thainess 2015 campaign, the 12 hidden gems campaign, and every other campaign this year, has declared all of 2016 a national holiday in Thailand in order to generate some domestic tourism revenue.
Since neither the Minister of Tourism and Sports nor the Tourism Authority of Thailand know how to market to foreigners, Kobkarn Wattanavrangkul decided it was easier to just make every day in Thailand a holiday so that there would be no excuses for travel – like – “I have to work”.
The Minister of Tourism and Sports has also launched a new Unlimited Discover Debt 2016 credit card that can only be used at participating hotels, restaurants, and tourist attractions. This keeps the locals mired in debt up to their ears as part of the Reform Thailand Plan.
So, here is the breakdown of the events thanks to the Minister Of Tourism And Sports, cultural and otherwise, for the Every Day is a Holiday 2016 campaign in Thailand:
January – Actually, January’s events start off in December 2015 with the 12 days of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. This leads up to the Countdown To New Year 2016 celebrated around the country with loud, screeching Thai music, fireworks, and alcohol.
February – Thailand will also celebrate Chinese New Year (officially on 8 February) for the first half of the month. The second half of the month will be declared Valentines 1/2 month since it is too crowded at all the marriage offices on the 14th. There is also a Buddhist holiday – Maka Bucha on the 22nd. An extra, auspicious day has been added (29th) this year just for Thailand.
March – Easter will be celebrated throughout Thailand (officially March 27) all month with Easter egg hunts for the kids and bar girls dressed as Playboy Bunnies for the adults.
April – All of April will see the celebration of Songkran (13-15 April supposedly) with ice cold water throwing, topless dancers, and thousands of dead bodies on Thailand’s roads.
May – Originally, Labor Day and Coronation were going to be combined making for a long 4-day holiday, but since no one is working and there is no need for long weekends, May will just be a month to celebrate just how hot it is in Thailand. Find a mall and go there and suck up the air conditioning.
June – There are no Thai holidays or holy days in June so the Minister of Tourism and Sports has come up with the “Just Go Somewhere” campaign. Hop in your pick-up truck, drive for an hour or two, park and then eat and drink. When it gets dark, return home. Do this every day in June.
July – This month is a month to pretend to be devout Buddhists and go to the temple for Asahna Bucha Day, the incorrectly named Buddhist Lent, and just to go and have a drink at the temple with your buddies. Since Thailand has a multitude of temples (wats) visit a different one each day this month.
August – Celebrate the Queen’s birthday and honor your mom every day of August. Take mom to a Thai National park and eat lunch in the parking lot.
September – Another month with no official holidays so the Minister of Toursim and Sports has declared September as “Pray For Farangs Month”. Merit-making ceremonies will be held nation-wide and every Thai Government employee is required to pray at a visible shrine creating photo opportunities. Praying at a recently bombed shrine earns extra merit.
October – In preparation for World Toilet Day (19 November), the Minister of Tourism and Sports has declared October as “Discover Clean Toilets Month” where she will lead a crew of rubber-gloved ladies to tackle all of the gas stations in Thailand.
November – Thailand expects to receive some sort of award for having the cleanest gas station toilets and apparently either TripAdvisor of the Pacific Asia Travel Association will be handing out miniature toilet bowls to winners. Winning criteria has not been set but social media is buzzing about judges eating off bathroom floors.
December – Celebrate the King’s Birthday and Father’s Day by wearing yellow and taking Dad out for dinner and then let him hang with his boys and get drunk.
There you have it – 366 days of celebrations in Thailand – courtesy of the Minister of Tourism and Sports.
To see the actual extra holidays that the Minister of Tourism and Sports created, go here.
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